Insanity, Meet My Friend Genius... Now Go Make Babies

If the above scenario were to be manifested and Insanity were to actually hit it off really well with Genius, they would probably make a baby and name him Reinhard Engels. Why Reinhard Englels, you ask? Well, it takes someone named Reinhard Englels to come up with the thoroughly crazy -- yet strangely pragmatic -- idea of the Shovelglove. It's basically a sledge hammer wrapped in an old sweater. What good is a sledge hammer wrapped in an old sweater, you may then ask? Well I should hope you would ask this, at least...

The answer is infuriatingly simple: exercise. Yes, friends, keeping in shape is as simple as hefting a sledge hammer around in the comfort of your own home. I must admit, reading through this instructional site the first time made me feel a little like an Imperial Walker getting smashed to bits by Ewoks on the Moon of Endor with that nifty swinging log trick.



But the more I read through Mr. Engels' raving lunacy, the more he endeared me to his bizarre workout. In the end, watching the videos sealed the deal for me. Though hilarious nicknames for the motions he describes, like Hoisting the Sack or Stoking the Oven certainly had a bit of an influence as well, I guess.

He demonstrates these exercises with such earnestness, it's hard not to like this guy. And to be quite honest, it looks as if his efforts have paid off to some extent. He certainly doesn't look out of shape in the slightest. As crazy as Mr. Engels seems, I think he's on to something. Why should I pay 50 bucks or more a month to watch stinky gorilla men, anorexic basketcases or awkward old people slave away on artificial motion machines when I could toss around a hunk of metal on a stick in the comfort of my own home? Best of all, I can do these things in front of my TV, so when Donald Rumsfled comes on the tube trying to defend torturing prisoners, spying on Americans and depriving soldiers of sufficient protective gear in a war zone, I can simply Stoke His Head In with my exercise device!