Monday, April 10, 2006

Utter. Fucking. Genius.

And you thought you saw the raw, uncensored, uncut version of 2003's State of the Union Address?! Think again, meager Prole! You saw what the military industrial complex WANTED you to see! Here, finally, in its original format, is our batshit insane leader's speech advising us that (and I quote) "trusting in the sanity and the restraint of the United States is not an option."

We failed to listen. Now we're pretty much fucked.

First, watch the original.

Then, go home and die. Especially if your name is Khamenei.

Friday, March 31, 2006

The Pattern Continues

Once again, I apologize for my lackluster performance recently... You see, between the new job and trying to move, I've been busy from dawn 'till dusk doing crap. Most of it sucks. This new job makes it rather difficult to slack off, too. Which makes posting more difficult than ever.

Perhaps once Dawn and I actually move out of our house and get a new one, I'll get righ back up on that silicon horse and start writing again. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that this may be the beginning of the end. Like many others in the blogosphere, I am beginning to feel that this thing that I started for shits and giggles, on a lark, is slowly morphing in to a fat albatross necklace. It's becoming more and more of a burden with each post. So with that, I will say that hopefully one day I shall return triumphant... but until then, I bid you adieu fair people.

Lemme tell ya, moving sucks. peace in the east.


Saturday, February 25, 2006

Musical Menagerie


If you were a hippopotamus and you had noodles on your back, what would you do?

Why, sing about it, of course! Enjoy the tune. It's ever so catchy...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Another Lame Excuse

OK, so I haven't posted anything "real" in, like, forever or some junk. First, I blamed it on the trip to Ireland. Then I tried the food poisoning angle. Next, the "new job" excuse. Finally, I threw my Trump Card: "I'm moving, and shit's hella hectic". All are acutally true, but none can truly justify over a full week without a post of any substance. And for this, I offer yet another measly, flimsy apology. The reality of the matter is that I'm suffering from a severe bout of ... what, blogger's block? Well, yeah, I guess. I just don't feel like writing a damn thing, and considering I don't have an "editor", a "deadline" or any sort of paycheck hanging in the balance, I feel no real obligation to type a damn thing about what's going on in my life on this confounded, silly thing! It's odd how a thing I started as a lark and as a way to simply keep in practice with writing anything at all has become more of a monkey on my back than I'd ironically intended with such a name as "The Vitriolic Monkey." But a screaming, turd-tossing simian nuisance this blog has indeed become. Particularly when one factors in the E. Coli, new job, vacation and house-selling.

But I suppose I shan't give up on it completely. After all, I've had some good times here. So I guess the least I could do might be to post a humorous picture from one of my many recent, entertaining exploits in Dublin, right? Sure, why not? So, with minimal further ado... here goes. This picture is of a condom machine in a men's bathroom in a pub in North Dublin called The Brazen Head. It's a famous old place; in fact, it is purportedly the oldest pub in Dublin. Apparently there's been a drinking establishment on this site since the 1100's. Anyway, see if you can determine anything "funny" about this particular condom machine. I, for one, found it quite humorous.


And let me just tell you that capturing a picture of just about anything in a men's toilet anywhere is a brave, courageous thing. One tends to look extremely sketchy hanging about next to a urinal with a digital camera in one's hand no matter who one is, and no matter what one is purportedly doing.

Until next time, folks, keep it real, and for God's sake, steer clear of those damned fade condoms!

Monday, February 13, 2006

My Apologies...

I feel so negligent... Please, allow me to explain. Between a jaunt off to Ireland for a few days, a touch of the old food poisoning, a foot and a half of snow and a brand new (old) job, I've been a bit... distracted. And therefore, I have been a little lax on the ol' blog front. So allow me to regroup, and I'll regale you with tales of Caribbean cavorts and Irish Intrigue to tittilate even the most torpid of tastes! Soon, my pretties... soon...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Do It Yourself T-Shirt Folding Machine


Thank god for the innernets. Here's how pathetic marriage has made me: I got inordinately excited, nay -- giddy -- upon viewing this video. Where would we be without this here Innernets? Swingin' from da trees, prolly. Or grunting at each other in a cave somewhere in France.

Seriously, I'm gonna fold mad amounts of laundry after work today, while I listen to someone read Dostoevsky to me.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What a Cool Idea!

LibriVox is a website chock full of "Podcasts" of classic literature! And they're free (read: public domain)! Finally, I can listen to something worthwhile on my monstrously long commute to work every day! They've got podcasts of Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground, Conrad's The Secret Agent, Alice in Wonderland, even Frankenstein and A Connectiuct Yankee in King Arthur's Court!!! I'm more excited than words can say. So happy, in fact, that my joy overrides my usual compulsion to accompany every post with a witty and somehow appropriate picture. I'm gonna start with Notes from Underground as it was the first Dostoevsky book I ever attempted, though sadly I did not make it through... which is pathetic, cuz the very next Dost book I cracked was The Brothers Karamazov, and I tore through that sucker! I can't wait till they get THAT one on LibriVox...

To me, Dostoevsky = Wicked Old School Russian Rock And Roll Superstar